Aside from noting the uncanny resemblance between our media class and the fictional Ellen Ripley’s Aliens – also the topic of my Pan-Galactic Reproductive Preference Studies Doctor of Philosophy – I’ve never given any serious thought to the possibility of extra-terrestrial intelligent life. I have, however, pondered during my now-frequent moments of bafflement at the state of (western, first world) humanity what we may look like from the ‘outside’ if Earth’s windows were clean.
If extra-terrestrial life existed and had the ability (and desire) to send us a message, which was successfully interpreted by a nerdy, tortured and unfulfilled but intensely patriotic academic (per Hollyweird), what might they communicate?
Feel free to add your own, or demand to know what the point of this post is. (There is no point – INAT (It’s Not a Triangle):
- We are perplexed by your term ‘Person Of Colour.’ In what form does this colour manifest to support the workings of the human body?
- What does ‘A POC in both your houses’ mean?
- When we say ‘Take us to your breeders,’ you always disappoint.
- You are glblrrks for tolerating your enemies. We use ours as fertilizer.
- We came. We saw. We sat back with self-replicating popcorn.
- You resent those who built what you enjoy, having done the best they could with what they had. Are you self-flagellating Nooglaars?
- Bruce Pascoe was right. In your year 1743, we replaced the population of the continent you now call Australia with superfluous humans from one of our slave planets. It was a practical joke, but we’re bored with it now.
- Who or what is this ‘Opm’ your bureaucratic class salivates upon?
- What is the purpose of this genital-harvesting hobby? Are they recycled? Have you tried vending machines?
- Which of the First Nations came first?
- We are perplexed by your apparent derogatory references to the sphincter, which performs a vital function.
- We tried a digital currency but gave it the finger. (Ding! Ding!).
- Your propaganda is very primitive, yet so many of you invest in it. Is your intelligence intermittent?
Ha, not very Ha. Don’t go for that job.
We count just two sexual genders. You refer to them as male and female. But some of your kind (either a male or female) says there are 81. This is confusing to us. Where can we find/see the other 79.
Some of your kind refer to themselves as ‘social influencers’. But they appear to have very limited authority, even less talent and zero self-awareness of themselves. Should we take them seriously? (refer also to our comments on propaganda).
We have monitored your leaders and were initially perplexed. We understand your status as a lesser developed species but could not believe that those who purport to be your leaders, actually are. We have concluded that those claiming leadership is a façade. Clever you. Where will we find your actual leaders?
I think you mean parasitic class.
And it’s not limited to those in the bureaucracy.
Vogons, I would say, not Aliens. I must not forget my towel.